May I, pass on my very grateful thanks to the birdbrain who decorated my front door and window, just after 10pm on bonfire night, with eggs.
The resulting yellowy, slimy mess certainly added something to the front of my house.
It was also very well timed, being done about 12 hours after the window cleaner had been, so achieving maximum mess on the clean, shiny glass.
It is amazing that when so many good people in the country are worried about being able to buy enough food for their needs (some having to go to food banks) that this birdbrain can not only afford to buy eggs (assuming they were obtained legally) but can waste them by throwing them at doors and windows.
So once again, birdbrain, thank you so much for your work in redecorating my house – it’s a pity it wasn’t done in the hot weather, we could have enjoyed an omelette!
By the way, I unreservedly apologise to all birds reading this paper.
I realise you are all of much higher intelligence than the phantom egg thrower but had I used the terms in which I really think of you, the letter could not have been published in a family newspaper!